Chicago Chronicle

Wrigleyville - Opening night of the IFL was exciting and controversial. The shows were the exciting part as Rogers Park, Schaumburg and North Center all represented their communities well.

The controversial aspect occurred immediately after the completion of the evening's festivities. Bud "Happy" Schanbacher announced that North Center would be fined 25 votes in the election that will occur at season's end.

Apparently, North Center General Manager Joe Canale sent his team onto the improv playing field without realizing that he had one too many players on the stage. Rob Janas, who was on the North Center squad during the last season, had not received word that he hadn't been drafted for the new season and ran on stage after the team was announced.

North Center GM Joe Canale

"Well, he's been coming to rehearsals and he showed up to the annual North Center cheese pizza party," said GM Joe Canale. "I just thought he was like one of those old football players that retired but still showed up every week and stood on the sidelines to show his support. I was as surprised as anyone when I looked up and he was standing on stage with everyone."

"I thought he was being funny and joking around when he patted me before the show and said 'Got your back'," said North Center veteran Sean Monahan. "Then we got on stage and the bastard was standing right beside me smiling from ear to ear."

Newcomer Collen Murray was very worried about Janas' mental state. "After the show we talked about it and we agreed that one of us has to tell Rob that he wasn't drafted," she rationalized. "None of us are brave enough to do it though so we think we'll probably just send him an anonymous e-mail. Ryan Gowland is going to register a phony yahoo account and send it to him tomorrow."

Orphaned player Rob Janas

The fine of 25 votes is a brutal blow to the team. At the end of the final show of the IFL season, the players in the leagues vote for the top two teams to return for the next season. North Center will now have to start the election 25 votes behind the rest of the teams in their league.

Besides being fined 25 votes in the upcoming election, the Commissioner's office extended the punishment by announcing that the team had to learn a completely new form for their next show. The Placebo Effect form was arbitrarily chosen for North Center to perform.

"That's a tough form to learn in two weeks," bemoaned Lauren Sharpe. "I wonder if I could talk to Katie Fullan and see if she could talk her General Manager into trading for me on the LakeView Ladder team."

Former Commissioner Decatur Hilltop Griggs was seen conversing with current Commissioner Schanbacher at several occasions throughout the evening. "Schanbacher's a puppet," screamed Canale as he and Commissioner Schanbacher entered the bathroom at the same time. "Griggs is pulling the strings. The IFL is operated under a puppet regime," continued the North Center GM as both men stood at the urinal. As Schanbacher turned to walk to the sink to wash his hands, Canale took a swing at the commissioner and knocked him to the ground. The two men had to be separated by several members of the Roger's Park Rumble team.

Jet Eveleth was impressed by GM Canale's defense of her undrafted teammate. "Wow," she started, "Joe normally only fights girls."

IFL Commissioner Bud "Happy" Schanbacher