Chicago Chronicle

The Courting Has Begun!

Lakeview – The cavalcade of dinners and gifts has begun. General Managers of IFL teams are sparing no expense to impress and romance their new team members. The season kicked off with a bang as the Lakeview Ladders hit the town for an evening of bowling and drinking at the Lucky Strike. The night was completely paid for by Lakeview's eccentric GM Jody Davis. Davis was absent for the event, but the team was accompanied to the event by a representative of the IFL League office.

The Lakeview Ladders, freshly gorged on cheese fries, beer,
and love from their GM

Deep Pocketed and Coddling
Lakeview GM Jody Davis

The IFL representative was kept busy paying for everything the members of the Lakeview team desired on behalf of Mr. Davis. Davis even went so far as to make sure that there were two televisions readily available so that Ladder member Zach Thompson was able to watch Smackdown, while Josh Chamberlain could monitor the Iowa-USC game on the other T.V.

"There was a constant flow of cheese fries," exclaimed Katie Fullan. "Everytime we finished a basket, they'd bring out two more. And these aren't regular cheese fries. These are, like, rich people cheese fries. You know? God, these are really awesome cheese fries."

The competition was fierce and furious as each bowler averaged over 160 pins. Unfortunately there were too many bits and jokes between each roll of the bowling ball so the ladders never actually completed a full ten frames.

After three hours of bowling, drinking and eating, the Lakeview team were too tired, drunk and full of cheese fries to spend anymore of Davis' money. Official numbers from these events are never released to the League office, but rumor has it that the bar tab alone was over $120.00.

Asked for comment, IFL Commissioner Bud "Happy" Schanbacher released this statement, "Like my father before me, I encourage these activities. These General Managers are rich and they love throwing their money around. It's why everyone wants to play in the IFL. These improvisors get treated like improv royalty and they deserve it. It's good for the GM's too. It instills loyalty. Do you want to play for a chintzy GM that invites everyone over to his house for a couple of cheese pizza's and keeps telling you to keep quiet because his wife is pregnant and needs her sleep, or do you want to play for a GM that throws his money around and treats you like star? I know we say it every year, but some of these other GM's better take the wooing up a notch or there are going to be some player defections."