Chicago Chronicle

Wrigleyville - Commissioner Decatur Hilltop Griggs announced today in a fiery press conference the 6 GM's that will be taking the IFL into the year 2003.

Peter Gwinn, GM of the two time Del League Champion Lincoln Park Trixies returns for his third season. Gwinn has petitioned to have the championship trophy named after him. The league is considering it.

Joe Canale is the GM of the Farly League defending champions, the North Center Ughs. Canale relocated his team twice in the first two seasons. It will be interesting to see if Canale can get any type of support from his community this time around.

Roger's Park Rumble is backed again by their iron fisted leader Bill Saveley. The Rumble were the Champions of the Farley league in the first IFL season and Saveley will not accept anything less in the third season. Schaumburg has yet to win a championship, but they have all the confidence in the world that they are making the right choice in returning their GM Nick Kanel.

Old Town is a new franchise and they have selected Patrick Gallen to lead them in their initial IFL season. Gallen's swagger leads everyone to believe that he has the formula to bring a winner to the Old Town team in their first foray into the IFL.

A mystery GM was also announced to take the helm of the LakeView team. Many people feel that the Commissioner is stalling by refusing to announce who this GM is, but he assures everyone that the mystery GM will reveal themselves before the draft takes place on Thursday the 19th.

Controversial IFL Commissioner
Decatur Hilltop Griggs

"My laugh will soon be worth millions! Ha-ha-haaa!" says Los Angelino Craig Cackowski

While these announcements were met with great anticipation, it was the names that were left off that led to the greatest reaction.

Craig Cackowski, GM of the Andersonville team, had sued the commissioner to allow his squad to be based out of Santa Monica California. He won his case, but the legal expenses became so exhorbent that it made it impossible to fly his team back and forth from the City of Angels to the Windy City. Mr. Cackowski has been selling out his trademark laugh in hopes of gathering money to be able to have his team perform in the fourth season of the IFL in March.

Jason Chin managed his team to a wild card berth in the first season of the IFL. His "improvise with a guitar" style of play was an immediate hit with the audiences. Mr. Chin was the first team to have a corporate sponsor. He even changed the teams name to, "Cubby Dog, Wrigleyville location, where our dogs are the best in town." Sadly, the free hot dogs got to Mr. Chin and he has eaten himself into oblivion. "Toward the end there, he couldn't even show us how to do sweep edit," stated former Wrigleyville player Carrie Barrett. "He would take two steps and get winded. He would curl up in a ball and lay down on the stage and take a nap. It was pretty gross."

Charna Halpern, GM of the Roscoe Village team, clashed with the Commissioner from day one. She has filed several complaints against him that have yet to be resolved. The Commissioner declared that in the best interests of the IFL, Miss Halpern will not be invited back. Halpern has filed a petition to continue being a GM and has stated that she will still be at the Draft when it occurs. It's unlikely that her protests will persuade the courts to let her back in the league so Halpern has gone as far as to threaten to start her own league to compete with the IFL. She has purchased property above the Salt and Pepper and is renovating it to be a state of the art Fantasy facility. Commissioner Hilltop Griggs has taken preemptive strikes against the new league and has managed to have the locks changed twice at Halperns new compound.

The saddest case of the former GM's belongs to the very popular Side OC and Dr. Cornelious Anger, GM's of the Galena squad. Their lab exploded in the midst of an experiment that was set to revolutionize Fantasy Improv. The accident was horrific in it's magnitude. The Commissioner comented that neither of the GM's were kiled in the explosion, but neither of them can really be described as alive either.

Patriot and hot dog enthusiast Jason Chin